girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
