A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
