y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
