Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
