in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
