I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
