oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
