He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
