if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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