why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
