there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
