U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
