I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
