I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
