Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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