we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
