ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
