Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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