Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
