I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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