I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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