Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
