I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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