I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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