i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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