she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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