I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
