I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
