they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hippo gnu deer
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
