We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
