so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
