yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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