I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
