Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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