I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
