Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
this hospital has no fireball
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
