Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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