Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
