I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
