Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
