He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
