I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
