i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
