You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
