hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I smell like Dick and happiness
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
