I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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