So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Floor bacon is actually really good
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
