How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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