she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
