Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize