can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
