My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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