i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I skipped work to stalk him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
