I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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