Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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