I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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