You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
