And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
