I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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