Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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