even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize