New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
