she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
