Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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