A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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