Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize