Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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