That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
