: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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