Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
