Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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