it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
