I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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