I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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