someone threw a dead crab at me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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