I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
