You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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