His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
