When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
