I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
