He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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