Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
