your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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