I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
