Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
