you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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