Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My penis needs a shock collar
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
