I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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