When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
