Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this boner is exhausting
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
