Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize