Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
