Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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