under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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