I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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