hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
