8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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