Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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