you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
