I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
