She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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