I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
