i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
