Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
