dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
