he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize