sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she pinky promised me she was 18
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
