Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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