If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize