I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
